


My R

by Yoake_yoake



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: F/M, I haven't stopped listening to this song, I've never actually read one, I've thought of this for a while, M/M, Multi, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 05:22:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12810531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoake_yoake/pseuds/Yoake_yoake
Summary: A Dear Evan Hansen songfic. For the vocaloid song My R. If someone made an animatic of this, I'd cry.Connor Murphy tries to kill himself. Wants to. But there's someone there."Hey, don't do it! Please!"





	My R

**Author's Note:**

> Song: My R  
> (Original sung by Miku. Translation by Rachie)

Connor Murphy was not having a very good day. He felt awful from the moment he woke up to the moment he heard the last school bell ring. He tugged on the bottom of his jacket, shoving his hands into his pockets. He’d been thinking about something he’d done a while ago.  
  
The Murphy family had traveled to New Orleans over the summer, as Larry was going on a business trip and Cynthia had always wanted to go. At Cynthia’s very enthusiastic insistence, the family had all gone out to have their fortunes told.  
  
The woman- Lady Thalia, she wanted to be called- had said she’d do them all separately. Connor, of course, volunteered to be the last one to go. But his turn did eventually come.  
  
He went into the buildings back room with the Thalia woman. It was a pretty stereotypical fortune teller’s room. The room was dark, sheets and designed blankets lined the walls and hung from the ceiling. A short table sat in the center of the room, candles scattered across it, being the only source of light in the room. A smoky, glass ball sat in the center of the table and two pillows sat on either side. Connor guessed they were for Lady Thalia and her guest to sit on.  
  
He was right, as Lady Thalia sat on the pink pillow farthest from the door. She faced him. She motioned to the other pillow. “Sit.” She commanded.  
  
Connor fought back the urge to groan and tell this woman off for all this voodoo nonsense but he knew he’d upset his mom. So he plunked down onto the pillow.  
  
Lady Thalia snatched his hand and began running her fingers across it. Connor really wanted to snatch it back away but he managed to sit still.  
  
“Oh…” she frowned, “you are a damaged soul… you want to jump and escape. Right now is not your time young man, a protective force stands above. Follow it, and you shall heal.”  
  
That was it. That’s all it was. Connor stomped out of the bullshit palm reading. ‘Protective force’ whatever that meant.  
  
Connor shook his head out of the past and walked out of the emptying class room. Zoe had jazz band practice after school so she had the car. That meant Connor had to walk home. He groaned. He really didn’t feel like walking home right now. So he decided to just wait until jazz band was over to snag a ride with Zoe.  
  
About ten minutes after everyone had cleared out of school, Connor sighed and stood from the hall bench, deciding to walk around. He took a walk to the hall behind the fine arts room and walked down a side hall from there. The drug hall. That’s where he got all of his ‘stuff’ from.  
  
But then he noticed something he’d never seen before. A side door, with an ‘Authorized Access Only’ sticker on the door.  
  
But the door was propped open by a piece of wood, letting a cool draft into the hall.  
  
Curious Connor Murphy went over to the door and opened it more. It was a staircase that lead far upward. He made sure the wood held the door open and headed up, going up about three stories before coming to a door. He shoved the heavy door open, wondering who was dumb enough to come up here after school.  
  
But there was no one up there.  
  
He looked around but there didn’t seem to be anyone. He went to the railing of the rooftop and looked down. He was pretty high up.  
  
That’s when the thought struck him.  
  
_‘What if I jumped?’_  
  
It could all end. Mom and Larry wouldn’t have to worry anymore. Zoe would be happier. The school would be rid of the tiresome boy.  
  
Connor dropped his heavy backpack down beside him. He was just about to take off his shoes when he felt the rail shutter. He quickly looked around, following the railings shakes. He came to a back corner, a girl stood with one leg over the rail.  
  
The girl wore a blue shirt and black tight jeans with black flats. Her hair was done in a bunch of ark brown braids that she wore in a ponytail.  
  
As if under a spell, Connor cries out to her, though he wasn’t sure why.  
  
“Hey, don’t do it, please!”  
  
He almost covered his mouth. What did he just say? He couldn’t care less either way. To be honest, he was somewhat pissed. This was an opportunity missed.  
  
The girl turned to him, a sad but surprised expression on her face. It confirmed his suspicions.  
  
It was Alana Beck, the smartest girl in the whole school. The question was, what was she doing up here like this?  
  
She saw the question on his face and the girl with braided hair told him her woes, though he’d already heard it all before.  
  
“I really thought that he might be the one,” she said with such a sad tone, Connor almost felt bad for her, “But then he told me he was done.”  
  
Connor almost immediately got angry.  
  
For god’s sake, please! Are you serious?! He just couldn’t believe that for some stupid reason she got here before him.  
  
“Are you upset because you can’t have what you wanted?” Connor asked her, though it was more a demand. “You’re lucky that you’ve never gotten robbed of anything!”  
  
Connor clenched his fists, remembering that time in eighth grade that his boy crush, the beautiful blonde Evan Hansen, was suddenly whisked away from under his feet by Zoe… his sister.  
  
Alana sat silently for a moment, before a polite smile spread across her face. “I’m feeling better. Thank you for listening.”  
  
Then she climbed down from the railing, and she walked passed him, going back through the heavy door and down the stairs.  
  
***  
  
The next day at school, Connor felt worse than he had the previous day. Alana had been in Chemistry so he knew that she’d taken his advice and not moved any further then the railing.  
  
At the end of the day, he walked back to the back hall where he was yesterday and saw that the door was propped open again.  
  
He headed up the stairs. “Alright, today’s the day.” He told himself as he walked up the stairs. Nothing would stop him now.  
  
As soon as he stepped outside of the heavy metal door, he slipped both of his shoes off. But then he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.  
  
It was Jared Kleinman, the school clown, and the loud obnoxious kid that always had people to sit with at lunch.  
  
He was short as could be so he’d slipped between the bars of the railing. He now sat on the outer ledge, dangerously close to falling.  
  
Despite himself, Connor yelling out to him. “Hey, don’t do it, please!”  
  
Jared turned to him, his blue eyes troubled and the heterochromatic brown patch on the bottom corner of his right eye looked blacker with pain.  
  
Connor ran over to the railing, dropping down to his knees, to be more at Jared’s height.  
  
Jared opened his mouth carefully, unsure if he should speak to the school bully Connor Murphy. But he was already here. Might as well.  
  
And so the petite boy told Connor his woes, though he’d already heard it all before.  
  
“Everyone ignores me…” Jared choked, “Everyone steals… I don’t… really fit in with anyone here.”  
  
Connor jumped at the rail, grabbed the bars that separated Jared and him. For god’s sake please! Are you serious?! He just couldn’t believe that for some stupid reason he got here before him.  
  
“Even so!” Connor shouted, his voice cracking with worry, “You’re still loved by everyone at home! There’s always dinner waiting on the table, you know!”  
  
Connor held the railing until his knuckles turned white. Jared had the nerve to cry about how he might not have many friends when Connor was mistreated at home more than he was at school, with Larry always yelling at his and his mom and them always shouting as Connor stomped to his room, slamming doors, and probably terrorizing Zoe.  
  
But Jared’s face split into a small, pleasant grin. “I’m hungry…” he confirmed, as a few tears started to stream down his cheeks.  
  
Connor helped Jared climb up and over the rail and then Jared jogged away from the edge, tossing open the door and down the stairs.  
  
***  
  
And like that, for a month, there was someone every day. Connor would listen to their tales and he made them turn away. He would always see them in school the next day, though he never spoke to them after their day.  
  
And yet, there was no one who would listen to Connor. There was no way to let out his pain that grew more with everyone he spoke to.  
  
***  
  
Then one day, he saw someone with the same pain as him. He’d done this time and time again but he’d never expected to see her.  
  
His sister Zoe. She wore a yellow cardigan.  
  
She seemed to have been talking to herself about this.  
  
“I just want to stop the scars that grow every time I go home…” she said quietly, “that’s why I came up here instead.” That’s what the girl in the cardigan said.  
  
Whoa, wait a minute, what did he just say? He couldn’t care less either way, but in the moment he just screamed something that not even he believed.  
  
“Hey, don’t do it, please!”  
  
He voice was lined with beg and plead. He needed Zoe. What would he do if she were dead?  
  
She turned to him, unsurprised by his presence. He seemed to be everywhere she was now. She didn’t speak. She just looked at him with a look of pity.  
  
What should he do??! Connor panicked. He can’t stop her! This is new…  
  
For once, he thinks he’s bitten off more than he can chew.  
  
But even so, he wished she would go away! Her pitiful expression was just too much for him!!  
  
She sighed. “I guess today is just not my day.” She said plainly. She looked away from him and then she went to the door and disappeared down the stairs.  
  
Connor couldn’t do it anymore. Not after Zoe. He couldn’t save any more people. It’d tear him apart.  
  
***  
  
The next afternoon after school, Connor headed up the rooftop stairs. He’d left the door propped open yesterday.  
  
He’d even dressed special for today. This was a special day for him.  
  
When he got up there, he dropped his bag down next to the heavy door. He used it to hold open the door and he began to look around. After searching every possible place for someone to be, he looked out over the rail. He slipped his shoes carefully off his feet and set them near the bottom of the railing.  
  
There’s no one here today… he guessed it’s time.  
  
It’s just him.  
  
There’s no one to interfere and no one to get in the way.  
  
He slipped the yellow cardigan off his shoulders, undoing the braids from his long, dark hair. This thin, tall boy stepped up and over the rail. He held the top bar, leaning over the edge of the building. The metal groaned under his weight.  
  
He heard the door open, but he didn’t care. Whoever it was, they couldn’t stop him. He was already too far gone.  
  
He’s gonna jump now and be free.  
  
He let go of the rail and started to fall. But it wasn’t even a second before he felt someone grab his wrist tightly.  
  
He turned to the person, ready to fight them off.  
  
It was Evan. The blonde boy he liked in eighth grade. He’d saved Connor. He looked frightened and worried.   
  
He finally understood what Thalia had meant.  
  
Now was not his time. And he protective force had come and saved him.


End file.
